Setting boundaries can be a challenge, especially if we’ve grown up being told to “be kind” or to “be nice.” For many of us, those phrases quietly shaped a habit of putting others’ needs before our own. Over time, this can evolve into people-pleasing — an exhausting cycle of giving, accommodating, and stretching ourselves thin in the name of harmony.
But boundaries aren’t walls, and they’re not unkind. They’re acts of self-respect — a way of honoring our own energy, emotional safety, and time. When we set a boundary, we aren’t pushing people away; we’re simply saying, this is where I end and you begin.
Healthy boundaries allow us to show up more authentically. They help us stay grounded in what matters most and prevent resentment from growing in the spaces where we’ve said “yes” when we really meant “no.”
And just like building muscle, learning to set boundaries takes practice. At first, it can feel uncomfortable, even selfish. But with time, it becomes a form of deep self-care — a declaration that your peace, your needs, and your well-being are worth protecting.
The Strength of “No”
Setting boundaries can be tough, especially for “recovering people pleasers.” There’s often a moment of internal tug-of-war — the desire to protect your peace meets the fear of disappointing someone else. It’s uncomfortable. But the truth is, not everyone has to agree with your boundaries, and not everyone will understand them. And that’s okay. Boundaries aren’t created for others to approve of — they’re created so you can live with more balance, self-respect, and emotional freedom.
Sometimes boundaries are small and quiet. They might look like an unfollow on social media, stepping back from a draining conversation, or choosing not to engage in gossip. Other times, they are harder, deeper choices — limiting contact with someone who continually crosses your limits, or even ending a relationship altogether. Both ends of the spectrum are valid. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for protecting your well-being.
It’s important to remember that boundaries are not an excuse to be mean, controlling, or “brutally honest.” That phrase — “brutally honest” — often masks unkindness. True honesty doesn’t need to be brutal. Boundaries can be firm and compassionate at the same time. They can sound like:
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“I’m not available for that right now.”
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“That topic isn’t something I want to discuss.”
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“I care about you, and I also need to take care of myself.”
Setting boundaries is an act of love — both for yourself and for others. When you are clear about what you can give, you show up more authentically, without resentment or hidden expectations. Boundaries help us stay in alignment with who we are and what truly matters.
Learning from the Herd
Horses model boundaries with such grace and clarity. Within the herd, boundaries are non-negotiable — they are communicated through subtle energy, movement, and presence rather than words. A horse doesn’t apologize for needing space or for asserting what feels safe; they simply embody it. And the rest of the herd respects it without question.
Watching and working alongside horses reminds us that boundaries don’t have to come from anger or defense — they can come from calm confidence and grounded truth. The horses help us feel what it’s like to hold that kind of clarity within ourselves, to recognize when our space is being crossed, and to express what we need without guilt or hesitation.
If you’re finding it difficult to set or express boundaries in your own life, consider joining me for an Equine Gestalt Coaching session. The horses and I hold a compassionate space for exploring where your boundaries may need strengthening, softening, or simply being spoken aloud for the first time. Together, we’ll help you find your voice — one that honors both your heart and your truth. 💜